Vriska's Bad Apple
by insy-winsy-spider-is-free
Summary: Vriska Serket's hope is gone. Her mind is full of hurt, anger, pain, doubt. She doesn't think she'll ever get one last chance. But she doesn't care anymore.


_Ever on and on I continue circling_

_With nothing but my hate and the carousel of agony_

_Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing_

_And suddenly I see that I can't break free_

Vriska Serket sat in the dreambubble alone, her head spinning. She hated everything. She hated Terezi. She hated Aradia. Tavros. Kanaya. She'd tried to make amends, but nobody ever listened. She was given only scorn for trying to do what she thought was right. Everything seemed to break around her. She didn't think about how much she used to care for them. She didn't care anymore. Even though she could suddenly see that the grip of this pain wouldn't let go.

_Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity_

_With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

_To tell me who I am, who I was, uncertainty_

_Enveloping my mind till I can't break free_

She was slipping. The ground seemed to vanish. She was falling. All alone. All she had was the pain and agony from her past, telling her that she was a traitor, a bitch, a murderer. Uncertainty on what was truth and what was lies enveloped her, pulling her farther into darkness.

_Maybe it's a dream maybe nothing else is real_

_But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel _

_So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside_

_And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night_

Maybe all that WAS real were the dreambubbles. Maybe nothing else existed. Maybe she really had been all alone her whole life and these memories were fake. She wished with a dull ache that she could see John, just to tell him that she had loved him. She was so tired of the pain and misery that followed her wherever she went. She wished she could just live in peace in the darkness of night where nothing would hurt her.

_You can tell me what to say you can tell me where to go_

_But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know _

_If I make another move there'll be no more turning back_

_Because everything will change and it all will fade to black_

The others could tell her to say sorry, to apologize. They could tell her to leave, and to never come back. She doubted that she'd care. She doubted anything could touch her anymore. She guessed she would never know what it felt like to be loved. But she knew, if she kept going forward into what she felt, if she made another move, her whole life would turn upside down and she'd be alone in the blackness.

_Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?_

_Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?_

_Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?_

_I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?_

She wondered if there would be a tomorrow. Could this last night be it for her? Would these be her last moments? She wondered, if she did survive, would there ever be a place, for a broken girl like her, in the light, in happiness? Or was she doomed to the darkness forever? It seemed so simple… So inviting… She didn't know if she even felt hurt anymore. Did she? Was she sad? Everything just seemed like a blur. Should she stay here with the only people she ever knew? They were calling to her, she could hear their voices but it seemed so much simpler to leave. Or did it? She forgot how to tell what seemed like the right choice. But did she ever know?

_Can I take another step? I've done everything I can_

_All the people that I see I will never understand_

_If I find a way to change, if I step into the light_

_Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white_

She didn't know if she had the strength to step forward. Or even backwards. She'd done all she could to do what was best. She saw her friends around her. She had never truly understood any of them. If she did find a way to change her future, she still would change. Not everything was black and white.

_Ever on and on I continue circling_

_With nothing but my hate and the carousel of agony_

_Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing_

_And suddenly I see that I can't break free_

The world spun around her. All she could feel was hatred and agony. The hate she had towards the world and the game, which screwed her over too many times to count, and the agony of all she'd been through. She forgot about the friends she once knew. They were just faces in the crowd. She couldn't break free. There was no place to run.

_Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity_

_With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony_

_To tell me who I am, who I was, uncertainty_

_Enveloping my mind till I can't break free_

She felt like she was falling through the cracks in her already fragile mind, into a cold dark nothingness, with nothing but the paralyzing agony that coursed through her body. She was worthless. She'd hurt everyone she was close too. She was nothing. Her uncertainty enveloped her. Where did she go now?

_Maybe it's a dream maybe nothing else is real_

_But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel _

_So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside_

_And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night_

The world seemed so dreamlike, so insubstantial… Like a house of cards. One blow from any direction and it toppled over, leaving ruins behind it. It wouldn't matter what she told anyone anymore. The pain and misery she carried in her was tiring. She wanted darkness, cold and clean, to surround her.

_You can tell me what to say you can tell me where to go_

_But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know _

_If I make another move there'll be no more turning back_

_Because everything will change and it all will fade to black_

There was no caring anymore. She didn't care what anyone said, what anyone thought. Her heart would never know happiness again. If she made this move, then her whole world would turn to black.

_If I make another move, if I take another step_

_Then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left_

_If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night_

_Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?_

One more step would be all it took. That would be all it took for her whole world to fall apart. There would be nothing of her left. She'd be completely gone. Just a ghost of a girl that once lived. Just a shadow of a person. If she cried, would there be somebody to wipe away her tears, now? She doubted it. She had one last desperate thought. Is there a way to change? Any way at all?

_Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?_

_I've forgotten how to see I've forgotten if I can_

_If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back_

_'Cause I'd throw it all away and it all would fade to black!_

Who were these faces? A troll with short black hair and red glasses. Another with ram's horns and long curly hair. A human boy with messy hair and blue eyes. Where was she? She'd forgotten how the see the people she knew. She'd forgotten if she even could. If she opened her eyes to the cruel reality, there would be no going back. And she did. She threw away everything she ever knew, and her world faded to black.

"Vriska? Is that you? Are you okay?" John ran up to the figure lying on the ground. It was Vriska. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Who are you?" She asked. There was something in her eyes and voice that sent chills up John's spine.

"Vriska… It's me! John! Your best friend!"

"I don't remember you, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters." This wasn't like Vriska at all. John swallowed her worry. She would be fine. She would be fine.

"Vriska, are you okay?"

"Nope. And I won't ever be. But it doesn't matter does it?" She giggled, her eyes were wild. "I'll never be okay again, but I don't care. I don't care. Nobody was there to help me and now I'm gone." She gripped John's arm.

"B-but you're right here!" She was seriously freaking John out now.

"Am I really? Or is it a dream? Tell me that! Am I dreaming?! Is this all fake!?" Her voice went from creepy to insane. Her nails were digging into his skin. He tried to pulls back.

"Vriska, whatever's going on, I can help you! we all can, you're gonna be okay, I promise!"

"DON'T PROMISE THINGS YOU CAN'T KEEP." She was breathing heavily and her voice sounded wild. John could only stare in horror as she started to laugh again.

"Why would you even think you can save somebody already dead?" She whispered. "I'm just a, what would you call it? A bad apple." She grinned, showing all her teeth. "But I don't care."

"Are you feeling okay?" John asked. Maybe she was just confused…

"I don't feel anything anymore." She said. "The only thing left is pain." John bit his lip as Vriska started laughing, an exhilarated laugh. A wild one. She really was gone. There was only a shell of a girl left. And he wished he could help. But he was too late.


End file.
